I miss You. I’m sure you’ve seen what happened to me lately. Not just in that particular area of my life, but in everything. I distanced myself from you. I felt unworthy, ungrateful, in pain, hopeless, name all the negative adjectives that you can, that’s what I felt. I sinned and sinned again. Tried to get back up but I just can’t. I am incapable of healing myself. To be honest with you, I think I am even incapable of love right now, and I can’t give what I don’t have. I kinda lost it.
Everyday, I tried to fix myself on my own. I failed, I’m not even an inch better from my state after that happened. I think I just got worse and I give up. I give up on trying to fix this on my own. I need You.
I need You not simply because I need You to fix me. I need You because, no matter how I deny it, You’re a part of me. You are the very entity that breathes life to my soul. It’s only with You that I feel most alive. Words can’t express how sorry I am for what I did. I know that You also bear a heavy heart seeing me like this, seeing Your daughter inflict this kind of pain to herself. Seeing her disobey when You already allowed her to see how things should be from the very beginning. I am sorry for trying to twist Your arm to get what I want. For reading the signs that weren’t Yours, walking the path that You didn’t intend for me.
It’s not anyone’s obligation to understand me and forgive me for putting that responsibility on someone else’s shoulder. With just one twitch of a finger, I know that You fully understand me.
I really miss You. I also miss my identity in You. Right now I feel like a bird who has lost its sense of direction. I will not ask for You to take this pain away from me anymore, right now all I ask for is You, because I miss You God. I really do.
So take me in Your loving arms once again, carry me like a helpless child ’cause I am.
I am helpless, so helpless without You. Open my heart to feel Your love once again. Allow me to love others the same way that You do with me.
My days are slowly going back to normal. Eventually, I myself will follow.
I’m done with wallowing in tears. I’m done searching for possible explanations. I’m done torturing myself, reviewing everything that happened just to figure out what have I done wrong. I’m done not being myself. I’m done living the life that isn’t for me.
So I move forward, with everything that I learned from this nightmare.Here are the 3 things that I’ve learned from a man’s disappearing act.
1.It’s not about what we deserve.
Lately I came to realize that when such things happen, it is not about ‘deserving’. We often do things thinking that a good act done will attract a good act in return. It’s not about how nice we are, how long our patient is, how true is the love we’ve given. After all, we can’t control the other person’s thoughts. Everything that happens in our lives, good or bad, is as real as our existence. It is felt, it is seen, it leaves a mark. So love truly, give freely, smile joyfully and if these aren’t given back atleast we were real. At that very moment, we were a part of the other person’s reality.
Being a part of their lives, no matter how brief, is one of the simple joys of life cuz we remain in their memories.
2. Accept the reality that some people were not meant to stay in your life, worse some don’t even have the guts to say goodbye.
Need I say more? We will not always get the answers that we seek, maybe not in this lifetime. But maybe, it is better of that way. It is for our own good. Deep in our hearts we know that if someone really wants a place in your life, they will find a way. And if someone wants out, they could simply walk away, without a hint or two. It is one reality that is hard to accept but we must.
3. Remember who you are without them.
For it is time to un-glue the attachment (of all forms). My family did not even recognize me anymore. My mom missed her child a lot, she missed my smiles. I missed myself too. My frequent times of solitude. I just miss myself without you. I got so caught up with scheduling my daily life just to get the chance to talk to you and your ghosting act just made me realize how dumb I was to do that. I will not go to the same cafe, I will not go out at the same time during mornings, I will forget the life that I created around you.
I woke up to the beep of my phone. My boss just replied to my text message regarding my leave today.
I stared at the ceiling, gazed at the wall, my family. I tried to get up, but the pain, the pain inside me is pulling me back to my pillow, pulling me back with my tears. But I had to resist. I need to get up. I need to keep on living.
Read a few Psalms. Responded to a friend’s message and I stood up, using the last bit of energy that I have.
I went out of the room and reached for my brother’s desktop. I just have to write. Write all of these down. Not the past. No, I won’t reminisce. I need to document, how my everyday will be. How I will start living, fighting, and breathing a new atmosphere. So that someday, when I will look back, there will be nothing but smiles.
Maybe, we just need to embrace what everyday brings. For nothing here on earth will last forever. Not even the ones we love.
So let everyday be your last. Love without hesitation, give without holding back, smile and laugh like it’s the funniest joke.
This is just the beginning. You’ll get through this Marylie, the LORD is with you. HE knows what is happening, HE knows what HE’s doing.
Sinking in a pool
of unfathomable events,
trying to figure out,
trying to reset,
the life that we live today
even if we know
that there’s no way.
In a world that forgets
faces,names,and places.
In this world full of regrets,
pain,fear,and loneliness.
We battle alienation.
Align to its conformation,
and lose our identification.
And the day came,
when we and the world are one.
In our hands we hold
a long-sought equity.
Finally deprived
this world with inferiority.
We live.We desire.We control.
Yet,we still feel like
waking up in the same mornings.
Our feet above the ground.
Our heads below the clouds.
Everything laid bare by the sun.
Every side,every corner
the change was inexistent.
Once again,
we try to figure out,we try to reset.
The life that we thought we wanted,
isn’t the life that our Master planted
in the core of our beings and souls.
There lies the comfort and peace,
the mark of our true identities.
-HushedNoise
From the outside it looks like one.But when you try to look deeper,it’s not.It’s the beauty of having spiritual eyes.
Just a little story of what happened today.I had two exams,I wasn’t able to review for the other one.It felt like God was diverting my attention to Him.No matter how hard I tried to shift my focus to studying,I just cant… because God was eagerly urging me to talk to Him first.Or hear from Him.I haven’t been talking that much for the past days.It felt like God wants me to listen to Him instead of me blabbering about certain things.Maybe He knew that my words might mean differently to other people.
WHAT I LEARNED TODAY?
1.PUT GOD FIRST
“In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.” – Proverbs 3:6
Did He want me to fail my exams by demanding my time? Definitely not.
He simply wanted to spend some time with me.He actually taught me something about failure.He knew I was feeling bad about failing lately and so he directed me to an article written by a Christian author.That morning I found myself typing “Truth from God’s Word When You Feel Like A Failure”on Google.He was there to comfort me,to ready my heart and soul for the long day.
…and guess what? I think I did good with my exams.Despite my lack of time to study,God pulled it off for me.The items that appeared in my exam are the ones that I still remember.God is really good.He will direct our paths if we just have faith on Him and put Him first in everything we do.Afterall,He’s not concerned with our success,He’s concerned with us and our relationship with Him.
2.LEARN TO LEARN
”Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”James 1:2-4
I really find it hard to deal with failure.Especially when one failure comes after the other.It makes me feel that my efforts are worthless.I admit that I sometimes forget to learn.From the outside it appears like I am totally fine with criticisms but inside,it makes my organs twist each other.Which is the reason why I sometimes find myself battling with…no other than myself.I do have personal goals but God reminded me that my goals are not necessarily His as well.My goal was to pass my exams but God’s goal was to draw me closer to Him.To pass not just my exams but the trials of this world.He knew how hard-headed I am when it comes to this matter.That I sometimes need to be broken to acknowledge my lack of control on a particular matter.
So how will we learn to learn from God?It takes Humility,in order for us to submit to His ways.
Here’s something from the article that I was talking about a while ago:
“Those who keep looking back at their failures will never win the race set before them. We can evaluate where and how we failed for the purpose of learning and growing; however, the past is never to be our focus. If it is, it will cripple our future. As we look at failure, we need to understand why we fail and when we fail.”-Kay Arthur
Do not be a prisoner of your past.Your past lives,past failures or whatever it is that is hindering you from moving forward to the race set before you.God has set a race for us and the price is not a trophy,a medal,or any earthly metal…but a crown in heaven and an eternal life to be spent with Him.
”Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”Hebrews 12:1
3.ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD
”And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Yes,you might think this is cliche.But as I was eating yesterday,in a Korean restaurant inside the campus,I stumbled upon this verse while reading a Devotionals app.It was explained in a different light.Some may perceive this verse differently if read only once.Things work together not necessarily for our own selfish definition of good,but for the good of the Kingdom of God and our spiritual life.What might be inconvenient for us might bring Glory to the God and surely God will not leave us alone in that kind of inconvenience.We are only mirrors or reflectors of His glory and we cannot claim the Glory for ourselves whenever we get out of unwanted situations.We were put in such situation in the first place for people to see how God cares for His children,to see the power of God in every situation,to deepen our spiritual lives.Returning the glory and praises to Him in our journey and deliverance from these situations.
God isn’t boasting.He cares so much for us that He teaches us in His own unfathomable ways and catches us when we’re too weak to handle our situations.
Maybe it’s time to redefine the way we see trials:
A screenshot from the devotionals app.
SMILE BECAUSE…
1.I met Jasmine today.A long time friend from Mindoro.It’s my first time to see her in person.
2.Korean food.Cuz it’s been a while since I last ate one
What an angle.Btw,Im eating alone.
3.I had another late night bus ride and seeing the stars while enjoying the comfy seat under the dim yellow light is just perfect.
I’m starting my first ever blog series.I attempted to do this last year but I failed.
The blog series will be composed of two main points:
1.What God has taught me today
2.What made me smile today
I just really need to see more of God in my everyday life…if I don’t want to drown in my failures and disappointments.This will surely help to see the side of life that we fail to see when we’re in unwanted situations.To realize that there are more things to be thankful for.To realize each day that our God,the God that we serve and love is more than our failures and personal struggles.That life was created to be lived not under the control of the negativities around us.(Take it from an ex-pessimist)
It’s time to redefine my life,with the help and grace of God.I know I can’t move a mile from here.Not yet.But a few inches each day will do.Someday I’ll get there.
I’ll post pics if possible.I hope you’ll check them out.
First of all, I can only share as far as I’ve learned and experienced.Some of my insights might not be applicable to everyone but it’ll be better to say them hoping that a person or two might find them helpful.So here it goes.
You know our generation.Where having a special someone at a young age is normal.Where having a relationship becomes the ultimate goal of almost everyone.Where self-worth is based on whether we get back the “love that we give”.Where people in our lives remain for a little while.Where changing a boyfriend or a girlfriend becomes as often as changing ones clothes.Where you could get a girl for a date through a facebook status.Offended?We both know that these are true.
The world tells us that these are the cool things to do.These make us feel that we belong,that we’re getting along with the trend,that we’re not left out.But what do we get from these?A few sweet messages.A quick boost of our self-esteems.A few grams of chocolates(and fats too).Roses that wilt,gifts that end up in their respective boxes.Noticed anything?All these things are temporary.None of them will last forever.
Personally,I’ve been through this stage.I once looked for security in the hands of other people.It felt like guys liking me and loving me back will elevate my value as a woman,more so,as a human being.Not being a feminist here.Each one of those relationships gave me the fleeting benefits that I mentioned earlier.But I always ended up crying in the wee hours of the day.I was still unloved and my self-esteem slowly deteriorated with each passing day until I had nothing left to make my self feel good.I remember seeing the ugliest version of myself whenever I looked at the mirror.No amount of styling and make-up can change the fact that I was broken and I’ve lost not just their love but my love for myself as well.
Until this Gentleman came.He didn’t ask anything from me.Just a simple Yes to His unselfish question.The question wasn’t “Will you love me?”,”Will you be my girlfriend?” but rather this life-changing line,”Will you allow Me to love you?” I did say yes.But at first,my yes didn’t mean that He’ll get full access of my life.I kept on pushing Him away.But guess what?He ran after me,chasing me at all the corners where I could possibly be.Not missing out on every tear that I shed.He was there even when I told Him to simply leave me alone.He gave me everything I asked.Gave me even the things that I didn’t ask for.He knew the entire circuitry of my brain.He was that interested with me.That’s how much He loves me.
Want to know who He is?
He’s no other than God.He made me feel the perfect love that could possibly exist.He gave me the identity that I was looking for all throughout these years.He wants the same thing to happen to you.Whoever you are,it’s not an accident that you’re reading this.Yes,february 14,the most awaited day by teens is coming.You may not have a date,a bouquet of flowers,a stem of flower,or a box of chocolates at hand but You have God who is very much willing to love you at all cost.
It is hard to resist the voices echoing from our hearts.The famous saying says “Follow your heart”,but is it really healthy to ALWAYS follow your heart?Especially on crucial matters that requires making a decision?Decisions that can affect our lives for the rest of our lifetime?The bible says:
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”(NIV-Jeremiah 17:9)
Who can understand it?You might think that you fully understand your heart since it’s beating inside you.In a sense,your heart is your possession.But that’s where the problem arises.When something is your possession,you can do anything you want about it.You can make it love the person who isn’t really for you.You can make it hate the person who has hurt you for the rest of your life.We tend to overuse or abuse the things that we possess.Same thing goes with our hearts.
But what if,we let God to own our hearts?Who is God anyway?What can He do about it?
God knows what is good for us.He knows the smallest details of our lives,our hidden interests,our desires.He will not fill our hearts with confusion,fear and doubt.He will even mold our hearts to be the kind of person that He intended us to be.Bottom line is : He knows the perfect person for each and everyone of us (who were destined to be married).
So why put so much effort on controlling our hearts if we can let God do the controlling?Will that leave us with nothing to do?NO.Because our job at this moment is to obey.Easy?Another NO.It isn’t.It requires discipline,humility and most importantly,the grace of God.At times we will wrestle against Him,defend our points to Him.But at the end of the day we’ll stand in awe of His sovereignty.Get used to this line, “I told you so”,because as hard-headed humans,we’ll get a lot of that.But God’s version is different.His is -“I told you so.I love you.Let’s try again,Im with you in this”. So don’t worry,because you will not be left with an effortless job. 😉
By: Johnny Ramirez and Jaci Velasquez
Lord, You know my heart
And all my desires
And the secret things I’ll never tell
Lord, You know them well
Though I may be young
I see and understand
That at times like sheep we go astray
And things get out of hand
Chorus:
So I promise to be true to You
To live my life in purity
As unto You
Waiting for the day
When I hear You say
Here is the one I have created
Just for you
Until then, O Lord
I will be content
Knowing that true love
Will come someday
It will only come from You
‘Cause I have seen the suffering
That loneliness can cause
When we choose to give our love away
Without a righteous cause
I just want to remind you that you are not alone,you are not unloved,you are not worthless,you are not ugly,you are not unlovable.You are the EXACT OPPOSITE of all of these. Despite your imperfection ,Someone sees you differently.God does.Until the day comes,that we’ll come across the person created just for us (Yes,we’re that special to God,He created someone,just for YOU!),let’s continue to allow Him to change us day by day,until we’re ready to be the MAN or WOMAN OF GOD for our better half.I’m not saying that obeying God will stop there.It will continue as the journey goes on.How exciting it is to be drawn closer to God by the person you love.Let your future spouse remind you everyday of your first true love-who is God.
-Hushed Noise
A flare of hope that holds no demise,
Not obstructed by fear that crumbles me within,
A haze of endless possibilities fill the vacuum,
Your firm grip holds my loose faith solid and stable.
Invisible to the eyes yet You shed light,
Waking up my senses bringing warmth in the cold night,
A sniff of Your love’s sweet aroma satisfies,
Your silence delivers comfort to a confused mind.
The unimaginable life that I once dreamed,
Sent by Your voice in one sincere call.
Million times I rejected yet you pursued,
The power of Your grace saved a soul bound to be doomed.
Even if the light flickers in the wilderness,
Even if the rope unravels whenever I fall,
Even if the melody turns to a deafening noise,
My heart is Your possession,Yours is it all.
-MarylieC.
In a typical sunday night,she found herself writing in a coffee shop nearby.For a moment,her world froze.The only thing she heard was the repeated crushing of ice in the blender,the waitress calling random names,murmurs that made no sense,and a slow thumping within her.She sat in a corner,the yellow light above her head reflected her golden hair.Her big glasses hid her eyes from passers by.She wore a red lipstick to cover her pale lips.She sat as if her problems have left,deep inside trying to pretend that her life was like that of the movies.
“One Venti Dark Mocha Frappucino for Rile!”,the voice echoed and brought her back to reality.She stood and redeemed her coffee.She haven’t tasted any coffee for the past weeks…months.Atleast a coffee from a coffee shop.She just never had time and money to do so.She went back to her seat and marveled at the yellow lights placed beside the cashier.She adored yellow lights.The yellow lights never failed to trigger nostalgia.
She remembered,tip-toeing on small cylindrical stones.Walking on them as if they were pieces of a wooden bridge.The wind gently dashed across her white dress.The yellow lights lined up with the stones.The yellow lights casted a shadow of her and the man that she once loved.The yellow lights witnessed her smiles,lit up her face.That moment preserved in a small figment of time.It had passed.
She remembered,lying on the grass.Isolating herself from people the way she always did.She went back to the time when the perfect silhoutte of leaves from her favorite tree was enough to make her grin.When the infinite sky made her believe on infinite dreams and possibilities.When counting airplanes and fireflies was enough to kill her time.When the yellow lights from lamps and cars were the only ones who lit up her dark nights.
Memories rushed in her head.Like the raging waves of a restless sea.She felt restless herself.Torn between entertaining her sadness or not.She always hated the power of emotion to manipulate the entity of its origin.This time she was vocal regarding her feelings.She have learned that a human can only keep up with it on his or her own for a short span of time.Aware of the fact that this could bring nothing but sheer contentment on her sense of humanity and nothing else,she risked on letting the people around her know what she felt.Trying to connect on the least possible way that she knows.At the end of the day,she was right about it.
Words meant nothing to her.She had a hard time understanding her self and what she felt at that moment.Everything she believed went at the back of her head and she had a hard time getting to where it is.In the cold nights she asked.In the warm days,she waited.Her impatience pushed her to the edge of the cliff that she thought she once abandoned.Afraid that a short breathe could possibly cause her to fall,she strived to run away.But,with every attempt,she was dragged back to the edge.
She asked herself,whether she have really lived her life.Her disappointments were nothing compared to the stigma left by sin in the world that she lives in.The stigma that converts back to wounds with every pain that each inflicts on people.The wound that bleeds with every doubt.Regardless of everything that have happened to her.Regardless of the changes in her life.She can’t change the way she was created.An introverted being with a mind that screams words beyond her silence.She was able to keep up with it for 19 years…possibly she still need to in her lifetime.It was always hard for her to converse with people,regarding her feelings.There were days that she wanted the words to come out of her lips and create a flesh of her pain.Unfortunately,she always end up with this.
Solitude.There came a day where solitude was no longer a mere time alone.People will fail to understand,even she failed to understand herself.It was in solitude that someone made her understand.In solitude she tried to run away.In solitude she cried.Cried tears that no one saw.But these tears were felt by two.All this time she thought she cried alone.Just when she thought that her walls stood sky high that no one can climb across it,the heavens revealed that it was always higher than the sky.
She is me and He cried with me.I know I am not in the best state to say anything good…to everyone…even to Him.He is with me.He is continuously showing me how He can sustain the things that I care about the most even if I am busy trying to understand what I am into.He even gave my dad a birthday gift.He made everyone in the family happy.I will have my time.All I want right now is to love Him the way He loves me.I dont want to settle on knowing that I should love Him regardless of my circumstances.This time I want to feel.Feelings can excede the contentment brought by knowing.The way we value things usually comes with different degrees brought by varying intensities of feelings.Though feeling can sometimes be fleeting,loving will always be forever.It’s the only feeling that lasts.These tears,though invisible,are as true as You.(Who cries in a coffee shop?)
It’s time to start again.Tomorrow,I’ll wake up on a different morning.
I’ve been heavily distracted for the past days.As if the waters beneath my sea upwelled and brought to the surface what I thought was gone.It was really hard battling with my memories,battling with my deceitful heart.Everything around me reminded of the pain that I abandoned 9 months ago.I’ve accepted God’s decision and plan but my heart just covered the hurt.And so I had many questions and had a series of tear-jerking nights that once again brought out my fragile nature.I turned to things that brought fleeting feelings of calmness but there never was joy.Until God answered and told me His plan this morning.It was a surprise and there was a sense of familiarity even if the words were delivered by man.This is a proof that God’s word is alive.
I had the urge to write as soon as God gave me hints but I ignored His voice.As days went on,my level of uneasiness increased and there was nothing out there that made me feel that my hours were worthwhile .Maybe God was calling me to listen to Him first before doing anything else .This world can be truly distracting.When I got back in my dorm my mind was split between two decision,to go to church first before studying or study first before going to church?I chose the former.I really felt that there is something missing.
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me”John 10:27
My feet led me to the church,I know that I have to put God first before anything else.I cant even focus on studying.Why?Because God wants to talk to me. I was trying to contain my tears.I really felt that the message was for me.
Marami akong tanong.Na hindi nasagot nino man.Mga tanong na akala ko okay lang na di masagot kasi tapos na naman.It was then that God told me what I should do.Dati tinatanong ko bakit kelangan masaktan ako ng ganun?Bakit sa akin di nagstood up yung taong akala ko andyan para sa akin?Bakit siya di iniwan kahit mas malala pa yung nangyari?We cant force people to love us.It brought me back to that night that I first told a person that God’s grace is enough.And so we mutually decided to end whatever is going on and I didnt even feel hurt.I entered my friend’s room and she told me a vision which was sent to her by God a few minutes before she heard a click on her doorknob.So she told me but it wasnt clear to me until kanina.How God?Why me?and God’s answer is “I am with you.” and it felt great for NO ONE ever told me that.Maybe God just really used you so that I can know Him more.God knew that this matter is close to me and so this is where He planned to break my leg so that He can carry me back to His herd.It was because of this that I learned what it means how to depend on Him and simply surrender things to Him because this world will not give me answers.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”.-Genesis 50:20
and I saw this verse few days ago.I think this completely answers my question.Why you intended to harm me ,why God let it happen and why my friend told me her vision when I turned her doorknob that night and decided to enter her room.Im simply dumbfounded that it is true.How God converse with us and how He connects events in our lives no make us realize our calling.Im still a bit afraid sharing the word to unbelievers because they might think of me as weird.But then I realized that most people already thought of me that way even before I became a Christian,I guess it would be better to be regarded as that in a different context.Because this lfe is not all about me.It’s all about Him.A tough week ahead,You would always be first.May all of the things that I’ll be doing glorify Your Name.
I’ll never forget this day.It starts NOW,no matter how uncertain this is.I have to take it seriously and keep it mind that Im doing this for You.
I just remembered how a hopeless case I was.I had a rotten life.Not because I was given rotten situations everyday.I was actually given fresh bites of life which I chose to ignore and leave behind.I fed on junk,whatever satisfies my hunger,whatever fills the spaces in my life.At first I was contented with tidbits but eventually I devoured these things ,worse, I wanted more.Not knowing and caring about the consequences in the future,I kept on feeding on them until I went full that I can hardly get up on my feet.All I cared about was ME and NOW.I’m speaking figuratively,but this is how sick I was back then.
I was hesitant on drinking the water.Why?Because I didn’t know how to drink it.I was afraid of it.Who needs water when you’re already full?I was so full that my body no longer had any space available for the water.It was overwhelming,in a bad way.
Until the day came that I experienced what it felt like to be slowly killed by the garbage inside me.My flesh and soul,the entirety of me,were slowly eaten away.The intensity of the pain increased as regrets and doubts arose.It felt like,”killing the dead”.Making sure nothing was left but misery,guilt and desperation.
I knew the cure,waaaaay before this lifestyle started.But I only had the courage to recognize the cure when I had nowhere to go.No drug can heal.I just needed everything to be flushed out,by nothing else but the water.
That was my turning point and I’m pretty sure everyone has that or eventually will be in a similar situation. The water didn’t cure me until I allowed it to do so.It didn’t just wash away the chief culprit for my disease,the water resided in me,equipped me with the ability to discern what’s junk from not.Eventhough I still occassionally fail at present,I am thankful for this water that never runs dry.The water that cleanses me each day.Way better than detox.Hah!
The water is free for everyone,but it will only flow within us if we allow it,if we drink it.I’m pertaining to the One and Only Living Water,Jesus Christ.I was dead,but this water gave me life and like a clean slate,I was given the chance to restart my life.To quote Max Lucado,”What H2O can do for your body,Jesus can do for your heart”.
I didn’t have the courage to open up again in here.I’ve been in tough situations.Situations that tested how firm my faith is,situations that continue to prune out the traits that I acquired from this world,situations that tested my nature as a woman,situations that I know were all God-sent.I even questioned whether I should continue writing here.What’s the point of an unpopular blogsite in wordpress?Then I realized that Im not writing for the fame,also not for the sole purpose of opening up and speaking my mind but to somehow ,even in the smallest way possible,to serve God with the Gift that he has given me.The ability to translate my thoughts into words ,statements that actually makes us.To inspire the people,specially the youths who accidentally read my blogpost.I am called to use whatever was given to me,to lead people towards Him.
I wondered for quite some time now how I can serve God.We don’t need multitudes of people to see our service for God,we only need God alone.The one who sees even our smallest and hidden ways.I thank God for planting the seed of service in my heart.It’s my job to grow to a fully-developed plant,to respond to my Creator’s nurturing,to endure the extreme droughts that will come,to rejoice in the rain,to be a blessing to others in harvest seasons.
I praise God for putting me where I am now.No matter how hard it is,to be away from my family ,the life that I used to live and to experience more of the real world I know that in the lives of each and everyone,God is at work.Watching but never unaware of our desires,happiness even our heartaches and tears.
If someone will get to read this(hopefully) if you have concerns that you want to share or want to get an advice regarding such,feel free to comment.I will do my best to help or I might write an entry regarding that.I want to.
For the meantime,the future posts will be about my struggles as a teenager and how God responded to those situations.How God brought the good out of the bad.
A heart burning for change,
If not,a step higher on the chain,
The pile of blocks that made the stairs,
Grew weak,an unstability that brought despair.
Searches that hid the light,
Series of defeated fights,
Gave birth to a disheartened soul,
Clueless,lost grasp of the goal.
The dormancy that took her life,
Source of wasted tears and bitter strife.
The end of the slumber has come,
Awakened,she wouldn’t settle for some.
-Marylie C.
Hushed Noise 