White Flag

 

The battle is within.
A repulsion beneath your skin,
floating in the abyss of gloom,
bringing you to your doom.

Impenetrability-an illusioned trait,
can save one’s hate
of the world around him
-a high-powered beam.

Frailty-leads to a man’s defeat,
knocks him off his feet.
Weakens his armor,
intensifies the clamor.

Confusion-cryptic notions,
muddies his cognition.
Fails to see the real enemy,
it has always been his army.

A battle against oneself,
each tactic requires stealth.
It takes you to surrender,
Save yourself,dare not go further.

-HushedNoise

Zenith

“Do you still look up the sky?”

Yes I still do.Every single day.Every waking moment.

I lose my hopes from time to time.External factors always try to crack my shell.I don’t like the feeling of seeing things around me,sad and upsetting ones and not being able to do anything about it, even just for the time being.But still,such situations make me feel static.They make me ask questions.Questions that people  dont like me to ask.

Is it really worth it?

Will something really happen?

Will this eventually make sense?

Why does it take so long?

Why is this happening?

How can I help them?

I can help them if I refrain from asking these questions.

The thing about us,humans,is that,no matter how hard we try to put up a strong, unshakable version of ourselves, a portion of us will always disagree to this make-believe persona. I cant hold it for too long.

Some days will knock us down.Crack our shells,but we must not let it get to our core. I’d like to take these things as lessons on knowing myself more.Understanding the design of my circuitry. When I was a kid,I always had this belief that I was different.Growing up,I realized that each of us is different but our differences reconcile in such a way that we can still live in harmony.

I sometimes get disappointed that I see things this way,feel things this way,say things this way,cope this way.But if I keep on hating how myself responds to such stimuli,nothing will really happen.

Maybe I just stop for a while when I recognize the problem.But I carry on.

I look up the sky and marvel at its beauty…and it reminds me,that I am like the sky.It has always been there,it takes a little effort to tilt your head to see what it has.Despite all the cosmic chaos that it had been through,it made it.Its beauty perfected by chaos.

 

Departed

——————————

Sinking in a pool 
of unfathomable events,
trying to figure out,
trying to reset,
the life that we live today
even if we know
that there’s no way.

In a world that forgets
faces,names,and places.
In this world full of regrets,
pain,fear,and loneliness.
We battle alienation.
Align to its conformation,
and lose our identification.

And the day came,
when we and the world are one.
In our hands we hold
a long-sought equity.
Finally deprived
this world with inferiority.
We live.We desire.We control.

Yet,we still feel like
waking up in the same mornings.
Our feet above the ground.
Our heads below the clouds.
Everything laid bare by the sun.
Every side,every corner
the change was inexistent.

Once again,
we try to figure out,we try to reset.
The life that we thought we wanted,
isn’t the life that our Master planted
in the core of our beings and souls.
There lies the comfort and peace,
the mark of our true identities.
-HushedNoise

Topsy-turvy

That was a bit fast.

Just a couple of days ago,I was ranting of not being the usual me.Today was quite different.One thing that I don’t like about me that usually tells people that “Hey that’s so mylie” is my bad temper.I also got my appetite back(I tend to get hungry every 4 hours) and there goes my moments of deep-thinking,and silence that echoes through miles.

So yea,I’m just gonna type random things that happened lately or any random thoughts that rushed through my brain for the past hours.

I fancy lights.Specially orange lights.Just like how a cat fancies lasers.How I wish I can take a picture of the orange lights lined up in the campus.But I cant and you know why.

My friend and I were having discussions about our lives lately and the realizations that we had.We sometimes wander in  a sea of topics like american colonialism,identity crisis of the filipino culture,and other things that are more or less nerdy to some.But I actually find it refreshing.

I remember saying the line “Don’t think of failing before it ever happens” to a friend.It’s something that I wish I can apply to myself.I am a melancholic .So I often have these thoughts that most people find sad.Failure is something that I feared the most,maybe you also do.But then I realized that failure is born from our thoughts.The starting point of failing is thinking that you will eventually fail.The idea grows roots in your system,affecting every move you take.

At the moment,there are things in my life that I find a bit unrealistic but they are actually happening.The thin line that divides  point A and point B is not a line at all,but a decision to actually take a step forward.By God’s grace I was given several opportunities to make something of the skills that were given to me by God, but for some reason,I’m preventing myself from getting too excited to do them.Maybe because to some extent,I’m afraid of myself,not of what I can do,but of what I can’t do.But I do have to remember this,”When our abilities end,God begins to work”.

Hmmm,I don’t really have something visual to show today.But here’s a pic taken accidentally from my beloved lost phone.But I dont believe in accidents so I think this is a perfect shot taken at a perfect time.This is the view from where I usually sit and think.

That’s it for today. Good night.

Stigma

Is this all that there is?
A lifetime filled with fleeting things.
Beauty fades with years.
Death brings end,provokes tears.

Our dream will they ever come true?
If they do,will they get us through?
Through nights of loneliness and despair.
When we have everything but have no one to share.

We walked the roads with bare feet
and left traces of blood on the street.
Like blind men we keep on guessing the direction.
But with no sight we have lost protection.

Denials fuel our hearts like fools.
Greed controls us,for riches we drool.
We fear reality,for truth stings like venom.
Is there ever an end to this human condition?

We ran in circles but found no way out.
Tried to figure out life,what it’s all about.
Our understanding is the limit
and this world is the chief culprit.

-Hushed Noise