ENTRY #2 : Sleepless Tuesday

Basically today I stayed at home since I don’t have tuesday classes but I ended up wide awake when I should be sleeping.It was a wonderful day spent with my family.It is true,that we give a deeper appreciation to certain things when they’re no longer freely given to us or when a certain factor limits our access to the things that we value most.I was with my family,even just for a day…

WHAT I LEARNED TODAY?

1.VALUE THE FRAGMENTS

“Gather the fragments that are left over…Let nothing be wasted!”-John 6:12

Fragments of what?

Time.Strength.Affection.And a lot more.This was actually my devo for tuesday.This taught me that God is also a great Economist.He teaches us how to properly manage the fragments in our lives.How to fill this fragments with things that matters most.Things of heavenly worth.

Hmmm…maybe I could have done more with the fragments of time that I spend daily on social networking sites like facebook.I’m guilty of being an internet aficionado at times…well it’s quite hard to say the truth but most of the times I am that way.Obviously,this doesn’t promote productivity.

Pouring our strength to useless course of actions is also a big No No.Which reminds me that I should take care of my body and sleep earlier if possible.Even our bodily energy belongs to God and it ought to be used for His purpose.How can He use us if we’re too weak to even flash a smile?

Lastly,He also values our fragments of affection.I do remember the days when I invested my affections and emotions to the wrong people.By doing so , I allowed them to create a dent on my world.A dent significant enough to introduce pain and expose the brokenness that I attempted to hide.It really was hard.Which is why we need to be careful and watchful of ourselves. God doesn’t want our tears wasted on such things. Times like this can also divert our attention away from God,making us more vulnerable to sin. If not prevented,it could crack a fragile faith.

Just imagine what we can come up with if we connect these fragments correctly…

SMILE BECAUSE…

1.My dad cooked breakfast for me.

2.God gave me rest and peace.

3.I had a cup(a big cup) of tea with my sister…well not really,cuz she had coke float,I had tea.

4.I finally convinced my brother that milk tea doesn’t taste that grassy at all.

Entry #1 : It’s not another manic monday

From the outside it looks like one.But when you try to look deeper,it’s not.It’s the beauty of having spiritual eyes.

Just a little story of what happened today.I had two exams,I wasn’t able to review for the other one.It felt like God was diverting my attention to Him.No matter how hard I tried to shift my focus to studying,I just cant… because God was eagerly urging me to talk to Him first.Or hear from Him.I haven’t been talking that much for the past days.It felt like God wants me to listen to Him instead of me blabbering about certain things.Maybe He knew that my words might mean differently to other people.

WHAT I LEARNED TODAY?

1.PUT GOD FIRST

“In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.” – Proverbs 3:6

Did He want me to fail my exams by demanding my time? Definitely not.

He simply wanted to spend some time with me.He actually taught me something about failure.He knew I was feeling bad about failing lately and so he directed me to an article written by a Christian author.That morning I found myself typing “Truth from God’s Word When You Feel Like A Failure”on Google.He was there to comfort me,to ready my heart and soul for the long day.

…and guess what? I think I did good with my exams.Despite my lack of time to study,God pulled it off for me.The items that appeared in my exam are the ones that I still remember.God is really good.He will direct our paths if we just have faith on Him and put Him first in everything we do.Afterall,He’s not concerned with our success,He’s concerned with us and our relationship with Him.

2.LEARN TO LEARN

”Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”James 1:2-4

I really find it hard to deal with failure.Especially when one failure comes after the other.It makes me feel that my efforts are worthless.I admit that I sometimes forget to learn.From the outside it appears like I am totally fine with criticisms but inside,it makes my organs twist each other.Which is the reason why I sometimes find myself battling with…no other than myself.I do have personal goals but God reminded me that my goals are not necessarily His as well.My goal was to pass my exams but God’s goal was to draw me closer to Him.To pass not just my exams but the trials of this world.He knew how hard-headed I am when it comes to this matter.That I sometimes need to be broken to acknowledge my lack of control on a particular matter.

So how will we learn to learn from God?It takes Humility,in order for us to submit to His ways.

Here’s something from the article that I was talking about a while ago:

“Those who keep looking back at their failures will never win the race set before them. We can evaluate where and how we failed for the purpose of learning and growing; however, the past is never to be our focus. If it is, it will cripple our future. As we look at failure, we need to understand why we fail and when we fail.”-Kay Arthur

Do not be a prisoner of your past.Your past lives,past failures or whatever it is that is hindering you from moving forward to the race set before you.God has set a race for us and the price is not a trophy,a medal,or any earthly metal…but a crown in heaven and an eternal life to be spent with Him.

”Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”Hebrews 12:1 

3.ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD

”And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Yes,you might think this is cliche.But as I was eating yesterday,in a Korean restaurant inside the campus,I stumbled upon this verse while reading a Devotionals app.It was explained in a different light.Some may perceive this verse differently if read only once.Things work together not necessarily for our own selfish definition of good,but for the good of the Kingdom of God and our spiritual life.What might be inconvenient for us might bring Glory to the God and surely God will not leave us alone in that kind of inconvenience.We are only mirrors or reflectors of His glory and we cannot claim the Glory for ourselves whenever we get out of unwanted situations.We were put in such situation in the first place for people to see how God cares for His children,to see the power of God in every situation,to deepen our spiritual lives.Returning the glory and praises to Him in our journey and deliverance from these situations.

God isn’t boasting.He cares so much for us that He teaches us in His own unfathomable ways and catches us when we’re too weak to handle our situations.

Maybe it’s time to redefine the way we see trials:

A screenshot from the devotionals app.

SMILE BECAUSE…

1.I met Jasmine today.A long time friend from Mindoro.It’s my first time to see her in person.

2.Korean food.Cuz it’s been a while since I last ate one

What an angle.Btw,Im eating alone.

3.I had another late night bus ride and seeing the stars while enjoying the comfy seat under the dim yellow light is just perfect.

4.I went home and spent a day with my family. 😀

Blog Series

I’m starting my first ever blog series.I attempted to do this last year but I failed.

The blog series will be composed of two main points:

1.What God has taught me today

2.What made me smile today

I just really need to see more of God in my everyday life…if I don’t want to drown in my failures and disappointments.This will surely help to see the side of life that we fail to see when we’re in unwanted situations.To realize that there are more things to be thankful for.To realize each day that our God,the God that we serve and love is more than our failures and personal struggles.That life was created to be lived not under the control of the negativities around us.(Take it from an ex-pessimist)

It’s time to redefine my life,with the help and grace of God.I know I can’t move a mile from here.Not yet.But a few inches each day will do.Someday I’ll get there.

I’ll post pics if possible.I hope you’ll check them out.

Tattoos the comfort chips.

Dear Em,

Cause all that’s left has gone away.This song never fails to bring me back to that night when I was alone in the lobby.Sitting on the floor.Studying ’til the last beat of the last remaining functional brain cell.Hungry.Broken-hearted.Damned but Hopeful.

I knew it.Something was meant to happen today.Here it is……..I just failed an exam.I received the result before testing our unknown carbohydrate sample in the polarimeter.The 4-hr lab exam that I told you the other day.My first failed exam in my 3rd year in college.I’m usually fine with failed exams when I was in 2nd year.Suprisingly,I didn’t fail any last sem,so here’s the first one.Losing someone and failing an exam,that’s not a good combo.Hard to deal with seriously.Tho I’m just off by 3.25 points.I still felt bad.But but I’m okay now,except that I have one night to review for tomorrow’s exam at 8am… it’s already 10:50pm…and it’s…sadly…biochem.

So I headed to mcdo katipunan right away after the lab.It’s tiring.I was able to study a bit..so on my way back to the dorm,as I was walking on the long,dark pathway…I talked to myself…yes I do that.Always.

“Marylie,why?I thought you were gonna pass,you were confident with your answers.It’s okay,3.25 points won’t hurt.The others failed too.You’re nearer to the passing mark.Yet they dont feel the way you do,so stop the drama.But why did this happen to you?What’s the next thing that you will fail on?First the person,now the exam,what marylie?”

And then I reached the road.My tears didn’t fall.

I didn’t enter my room Em.Sleeping is not an option tonight.I left my bag in the study area and went to my friend’s room.Mariel.I told her bout my failure.I remember the letter that I wrote to God last sunday.That no matter what happens after the exam,I will full-heartedly accept my fate.She reminded me to trust God even in such situations,to attend when He calls me even if doing so will eat my time to do the things that I need to do.

Yes.This is the purpose of writing that letter I guess.I just automatically wrote that on that day.It is to remind me that I should trust God even if the situations in my life don’t favor me.Well,in this world’s point of view,they don’t,but God always have a different way of viewing things.The blackest rose can be the whitest for Him.

So I went to my place in the dorm.2nd floor,left-wing comfort room,1st cubicle from the left.Tears ran down my cheeks.I felt soooooooooooooo weak.I felt like a failure.I read my bible.The letter that I wrote last sunday fell on the floor.I picked it up and read it.I cried harder while reading it.I asked God to strengthen my faith and hold me tightly when my plans for myself fail.To let his plans rule my life,no matter how hard they are to understand.Just when I was about to close the bible,I stumbled on this verse :

“That is why I am suffering as I am.Yet I am not ashamed,because I know whom I have believed,and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.-2Timothy 1:12”

At that moment,I knew what God wanted me to know,God spoke to me through the bible.He comforted me with His words.See how faithful God is.

Tonight maybe a hopeless case Em.With the insensitive girl behind me playing her player at max volume,I hope I can study.But with God,nothing is impossible.So I’m forgetting the bad and keeping the good realizations behind these unfortunate cascade of events.

Hehe.I bought 2 packs of Tatoos at mini stop.They have a 2.11oz.These cheap chips are my favorite.Forget Pringles. Haha =))

One last stretch Em.Wish me luck to not get lost on saturday.A friend read my blog,asked me why I call you Em.My favorite number is 13,my name starts with M.The 13th alphabet is M and the number 13 is chasing me again.Wherever I go.So there,Em.

Love,

Marylie

Pooh’s Yellow lights

Hi Hushed Noise.If you’re gonna ask me how am I doing today,I’d answer with a smile.

Aside from the broken fluorescent lamp,I failed my 3rd exam.My finals is on monday.I just woke up from a bad dream.I think it’ll be a good movie.Im broke.My budget for tomorrow is a hundred peso.Mind cant study right now.Body’s dead tired.

BUT,fortunately…

• i have a lamp here that I rarely use.Yea it’s Pooh,with 2 small yellow light bulbs connected overhead.
• I passed one exam…it’s heartbreaking I know,but passing 1 out of 3,it’s still not that bad…or is it.Im trying to be positive here…
• I have the whole day tomorrow and another 12 hrs on monday to study for the finals.
• I’ll tell the dream to a friend,maybe she knows what it means.
• I have one pack of oatmeal left.I can eat that for breakfast.50 pesos for lunch.50 pesos for dinner.
•  That’s why there is such thing called SLEEP.

God,He’s our light and no matter how bad this day was,I’m glad i have a God,a father,who provides,loves,listens to my prayers.Thank you God for giving me hope,for giving me rest,for comforting my troubled soul.You never gave me a problem that I can’t go through,but I’m sure that I cant do it alone,cuz I choose to solve it with You.Many times I made the wrong decisions,many times I obeyed myself,my selfish desire instead of Yours.It’s time to stop doing that.I trust in You and you’re plans for me and all these pains will go away.

Time to have my third sleep of the day.I hope that when I wake up,I wouldnt feel this tired again.