NOW

The time is now.

I’ve been heavily distracted for the past days.As if the waters beneath my sea upwelled and brought to the surface what I thought was gone.It was really hard battling with my memories,battling with my deceitful heart.Everything around me reminded of the pain that I abandoned 9 months ago.I’ve accepted God’s decision and plan but my heart just covered the hurt.And so I had many questions and had a series of tear-jerking nights that once again brought out my fragile nature.I turned to things that brought fleeting feelings of calmness but there never was joy.Until God answered and told me His plan this morning.It was a surprise and there was a sense of familiarity even if the words were delivered by man.This is a proof that God’s word is alive.

I had the urge to write as soon as God gave me hints but I ignored His voice.As days went on,my level of uneasiness increased and there was nothing out there that made me feel that my hours were worthwhile .Maybe God was calling me to listen to Him first before doing anything else .This world can be truly distracting.When I got back in my dorm my mind was split between two decision,to go to church first before studying or study first before going to church?I chose the former.I really felt that there is something missing.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me”John 10:27

My feet led me to the church,I know that I have to put God first before anything else.I cant even focus on studying.Why?Because God wants to talk to me. I was trying to contain my tears.I really felt that the message was for me.

Marami akong tanong.Na hindi nasagot nino man.Mga tanong na akala ko okay lang na di masagot kasi tapos na naman.It was then that God told me what I should do.Dati tinatanong ko bakit kelangan masaktan ako ng ganun?Bakit sa akin di nagstood up yung taong akala ko andyan para sa akin?Bakit siya di iniwan kahit mas malala pa yung nangyari?We cant force people to love us.It brought me back to that night that I first told a person that God’s grace is enough.And so we mutually decided to end whatever is going on and I didnt even feel hurt.I entered my friend’s room and she told me a vision which was sent to her by God a few minutes before she heard a click on her doorknob.So she told me but it wasnt clear to me until kanina.How God?Why me?and God’s answer is “I am with you.” and it felt great for NO ONE ever told me that.Maybe God just really used you so that I can know Him more.God knew that this matter is close to me and so this is where He planned to break my leg so that He can carry me back to His herd.It was because of this that I learned what it means how to depend on Him and simply surrender things to Him because this world will not give me answers.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”.-Genesis 50:20

and I saw this verse few days ago.I think this completely answers my question.Why you intended to harm me ,why God let it happen and why my friend told me her vision when I turned her doorknob that night and decided to enter her room.Im simply dumbfounded that it is true.How God converse with us and how He connects events in our lives no make us realize our calling.Im still a bit afraid sharing the word to unbelievers because they might think of me as weird.But then I realized that most people already thought of me that way even before I became a Christian,I guess it would be better to be regarded as that in a different context.Because this lfe is not all about me.It’s all about Him.A tough week ahead,You would always be first.May all of the things that I’ll be doing glorify Your Name.

I’ll never forget this day.It starts NOW,no matter how uncertain this is.I have to take it seriously and keep it mind that Im doing this for You.

🙂 It’s time to restart.