Last Friday,Roseanne and I were discussing how big a quantum leap really is.I’ve told her stories of my Quantum Mechanics Class (Chem 156) and how abstract everything seemed like.Then we discussed this term,Quantum Leap.The word ‘quantum’ in the first place refers to something that is very very small.So how big is a quantum leap?
Isn’t it ironic?The word usage and the literal meaning of quantum.It’s used in describing great scientific achievements,or anything that was accomplished that greatly contributed and changed the life of mankind.’A quantum leap in the field of blablablabla”…And the likes.Then we came to a conclusion,that a quantum leap,is a quantum leap…Let’s pretend that this is a life changing matter.
Anyway,yesterday’s stress really pushed me to my end.Lately I’ve been studying a lot…or maybe not studying,just doing loads of academic-related stuff.You can see me roaming around the campus during breaks,bringing my laptop ,doing papers,torturing my calculator with my tiny fingers.. or if not,carrying my blank-paged,black-covered notebook and pencil,drawing in classes,making sense of random lines…drawing my profs,drawing myself while drawing,imagining things and putting them to paper.A while ago I came up with a girl sitting beside a tree.
Meanwhile in Lingg1 Class….
I am in my most fragile state.Im resisting the negativities though.Thank You God,for hearing my prayer last night.I’ve totally given up last night.I wasnt able to handle the stress even if I tried doing something to accomplish things.Then a sudden twist of events….things fell into place unexpectedly.I have no idea what happened but I feel calm and relaxed right now and I think I made the right decision.A while ago,I’ve made the most impulsive decision of my life.I’m gonna be a….PHYSICAL CHEMIST.It’s Phychem.Thermodynamics,part quantum,instrumentation blaas.Google it.It’s not the”physical” that you’re thinking.
I was supposed to be attending the orientation of one of the thesis advisers in Biochem.but then,while rushing a probset in phychem and eating my lunch in class while listening to my prof i decided not to go.Normally my mind can’t function very well if I’m doing something else ,but at that moment I felt like I belonged there.The prof was asking why and how questions,example “Why is the enthalpy of an ideal solution equal to zero?”…it’s from last years phychem but the topic is related to our present lecture on Macromolecules…While chewing the barbeque meat my mouth automatically said the answer,it was a guess..”The energy released upon solvent-solvent ,solute-solute bond breakage is equal to the energy needed to form the solvent-solute bond.”…And I didnt answer just one,I answered a lot.I’m not writing these things to brag.I got a grade of 1.75 from last sem’s phychem but all I understood were the maths.That’s what I thought until something is laid in front of me that made me realized that I learned something beyond the maths.It’s strange for me to act like that,considering that I hardly sleep everyday because of everything that I need to do…My eyes red from every night’s cry.In a normal scene,you can see me sleeping in that class ,doing something for other subjects , drawing or writing the plot of my novel.It was not until today that I realized that I learned something and it felt like I innately know the thing.It feels natural even if the needed concepts were from the past years it was retained and was the only chem concept retained in my brain.
Then there was a surprise quiz that I had no idea of solving and analyzing…fortunately I finished it and answered most correctly….it’s magic.It’s not me.It’s Him.His work through me.At that moment I buried the thought of pursuing a thesis that is related to biochem.I dont hate the subject ,I just cant comprehend the ideas behind it.Then after class I went searching for my prof.I’ll try talking to him tomorrow.This was a sudden decision,but it was a great realization.Make-ups and Phychem is a perfect match.
My hair is so shiny,silky and soft.But I dont like the color and the length.Next year,on my birthday.
Hushed Noise 