Not to you, but to myself.
I had to gather all the courage left in me. Maybe even pick-up the courage that kept hanging on the edge of each broken piece. I lost myself along the way and the road that lead me here is now out of sight. So I need to trace it back, only now, I’m on my own.
Pain still wakes me up. When it does, it cuts deep. It butchers every remaining tissue that still beats for you, every cell that yearns for you. I endure this pain, hoping that I will love you less with each passing day. This is the irony of moving on- the antidote for pain is pain itself.
“Love” can sugar coat the ugliest truth. I need to scratch the surface that grew thick. No matter how exhausting, no matter how tedious. I have to uncover the truth about us and swallow the bitter core that will always remind me that we’re not meant to be together. Not because I didn’t want to, but because you chose to let go. At the end of the day, love boils down to a decision and you did not choose me.
To you, I was just the moon. You placed yourself as the sun of my life. So I simply stood behind your shadow and shined with your light. I tried to pull the waters that consistently attempted to drown us. With this fickle heart, I tried everything to save what was left of us. But it’s hard to fight the battle on my own.
I forgot that I am not someone else’s satellite. I am a star- born out of collision, shaped by chaos. I have a light of my own and this light can uncover the roads that I need and I am yet to take. I am not an option. I am not a back-up plan. I am the answer to someone’s prayers. I am a gift to someone’s life.
(Written a week ago, I’m better now. :D)
Hushed Noise 