I cant leave this blogsite. 😐 The new blogsite was well so far,messy and very personal…and im not really comfortable blogging there.So,,,i’ll just stay here.
di na ko umaasa na papasa pa ko mamaya…well my case isnt the worst.some really fell asleep without studying anything i still have 7 hours to review…so maybe i’ll just calm down,do what i can accomplish in that 7 hours and just pretend that this day didnt come afterwards…and maybe just stay in sunken garden til midnight.and just go to sleep pagbalik sa dorm…i just hope na hindi umulan…i really need to stay there…dun lang ako nakakapag free ng mind ko,maraming ginagawa lately at marami pang gagawin next week…as in…:| sobra.
And i’ll just shut up…when my mind is this cluttered….my ability to say something that makes sense disappears…and everything that will come out of my mouth will just be a bunch of negative words,negative thoughts and negative situations…well i was avoiding the feeling of being sad lately,whenever i encounter something that makes me sad i will only be sad for almost 10 minutes and i’ll just joke about it.laugh about it.now i want to feel the sadness,i want to cry,a real cry,i want to feel that i am weak and to stop forcing myself to be strong when i have nothing left…with nothing left i meant pag…burnt out na talaga at ubos na ung lakas ko…im burnt out…i am tired.not just physically tired…
Now i want to cry …but who cries in a library? many already did…makikiisa ba ko?i dont know….hmm this time no one will understand how this feels,no person will…@_@ kung pwede lang lumubog sa lupa for a day…*knocks on wood…pero wag naman sana…I want an escape…a sleep.it’s not an escape,the only way for me to escape is to face everything……..T_T OA kung OA but i really feel down today…. 😐 well,i havent failed an exam so far…and i dont want to…and while i was in the shower room natulala na naman ako ,thinking what could have happened if i did what i really wanted to do from the very start,…will i feel this tired?will i be this weary?and naexcite na naman ako dahil naisipan ko na namang humanap ng something related to it…before i tried looking for a job…tried submitting my designs to websites who are looking for designers…but unfortunately i think they already stopped manufacturing dresses,so the blogsite went inactive…so,i even tried e-mailing an online fashion magazine…i received a response…so basically im going to blog something fashion-related and submit my article to them but then i got lazy…. T_T yes,when i got the opportunity i let it flew away……….no,i flew away…and now here it is again…I need a twist in my life..something..something great…and so what i wanted a while ago is to just go in a coffee shop after the exam,with my sketch pad and pencil,and just draw whatever i have in mind while having a good cup of coffee…but then nagabono ako ng 300 php today…emergency and i had no choice but to lend my money…and idk when i’ll get it back…:| if they cant return the chairs at 5pm ,idk when…idk…again,im broke…I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO…
But ,i know,You wont let me drown in this sadness…whatever im saying right now is just a form of release…I need to feel it so that I wont drown in it…i want to feel it…i dont want to hide anymore…and after 10 minutes i will go back to studying…and drink the last drop of this calamansi juice…go to the formal interview before going to the exam…take the exam…forget the exam…go to the spot…look at the sky…and talk to You.Thank You for letting these things happen.I mean it,I didnt fail on anything yet in this sem…so something like this is good…it will renew me..it will..i like to see it that way…true happiness comes right after falling in a deep trench…trenches are deep…im just emphasizing how deep it is…it is cliche,but cliche are cliches because they’re proven and tested…cliches…maybe they’re not bad after all.
and yea…today is the deadline for the payment of the dorm…and ..just where will i find money?
i hope they extend or else… and i hope the chairs wont get lost or i will not get my money back.. and i hope to pass the exam…a 55% will make me feel like i got uno…and my dream…i hope i can do it someday…and i wish for this feeling,this frustration to go away,and….i hope i can find an oppurtunity 😐 itching to find one now…really…i’ve been dormant..10 minutes have passed..
with my last grain of hope in passing…i say,BIOCHEM BRING IT ON!!!!!!
Hushed Noise 