Hushed Noise

Healing.

mariamouse — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 09:25:53 +0000

Wow.btw thanks to those who viewed (or accidentally viewed) my blogsite.Lol.Didnt have readers for quite some time now…

Well,the past days were really uhh devastating,but now,I think all the sadness has to end.Getting pass through this is the only choice I have right now.But I know it’s the right choice.I’ve seen my real friends .Thank you very much Roseanne and John.Without you I wouldnt realize how beautiful my life is.And to the author of the book that Im reading right now.Mr. Bo?Sorry I forgot your first name.

NEW.

Talk about new eyeglasses and tadaa a new hairstyle.This is so awesome.Im more comfortable with my new eyeglasses and my hair…I just feel like Anne Hathaway right now(but ofcourse I dont look like her).Soon I think I will be cleaning my pc or even make a new Playlist.I have papers exams lined up this week.Wah.

The earings,I think I’ll just let mom give it to whoever she wants to.My room needs some renovation(When i say renovate,i mean to arrange things differently like the table has to go to where the bed used to be)..I cant stand being in that same room…alone.

I know there will come a time where a painful relapse would hit me but I know time will heal the pain. :>

This is a lesson.Next time,I will never ever let a man into my life without knowing him deeply.For now IM FREE.Yes.I am FREE.

(I was supposed to upload a picture of ’tis new haircut,izz so awesome…camera fail.,maybe next time.)

eichoc

mariamouse — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 11:20:32 +0000

11:49am…for the first time in 2 days,I stayed in my room.Well im supposed to be reviewing right now,but I just want to share this.After my physics lab class,I headed back to the dorm…ALONE.And as I walking,many memories were entering my mind.In my mind,I was talking to myself.When I opened the doorknob.Tears ran down my cheeks.This is the most painful feeling of all.Yesterday I didn’t cry,I thought I wont cry anymore.But that’s not how this goes.Time seems too fast,its as if it just happened an hour ago.You left me an hour ago.and after 60 minutes here I am alone.I wish the healing will be that fast too.Everyday,it becomes clearer to me that you’re really not worth it,that you’re not the right one,that I didn’t really need you in the first place and wont need you for the rest of life.

I want to stop hating,stop making bad images of you in my mind…I wish God replace all of these bad thoughts with wisdom…and as for you,,,,you will fade in my memory,a memory that I don’t even consider as my past..A memory that I will consider useless.I don’t want to be nice anymore,I really had enough…

God loves me….He knows that I wanted this long ago,I just kept on denying the fact that we have a lot of problems,I kept on thinking that you really have reasons for all of that.I wanted this too.I wanted you out of my life and now here it is.

Help me God.Help me get through this…

Day 1

mariamouse — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 22:02:09 +0000

No im not going to get a new haircuit.I only have 3 minutes left to blog so…All i wanna say is,God please help me get through this day.You made me strong with all the heartaches that I had before.Now I know You’re only making me stronger.

Class starts at 7 .Oh it’s already 6,need to get ready.I already sent the two mammals and the amphibian to the zoo.

SMILE Mylie:)

Another Chapter of My Life Begins

mariamouse — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:49:17 +0000

I dont know how to start.He left me.The same way,same time…Im hurt.But he doesnt deserve me.Naisip mo ba ever na yung taong mahal mo ang kamumuhian mo.Oo,kinamumuhian kita.This time Im not even thankful that I met you.You made things harder for me.You’re selfish.Galit na galit ako gusto kong kalimutan lahat ng nangyari satin.I regret loving you and knowing you.

Natapos man to…alam ko na may mas magandang bagay na darating sa buhay ko.At hindi ka kasama dun…Talk about pabigbiglang desisyon,ikaw ang gumawa ngaun.Ikaw ang taong galit kahit sinusuyo na,galit kahit tinutulungan na….You still blame me for everything na dahil ganito ako kaya mo ko iniwan dati.Sana di ka na lang bumalik.That just proves na di mo ko minahal for who I am,mahal mo lang ako pag okay ang mga bagay bagay,mahal mo lang ako pag di ako nalulungkot at pag di ka nalulungkot.Di na pagmamahal yon…..Nagpakatanga ako sayo.

I dont know kung pano mo marerealize ang mga bagay bagay,gaya ng sabi mo dati,iniwan mo ko sa panahon na kelangan ko ng karamay…Magiging masaya din ako.Itong sakit na binigay mo sakin…mawawala rin at ikaw makakalimutan ko rin.

Masakit man tanggapin.Tapos na ang mahigit isang taon …tinapos mo lang sa walang kwentang dahilan.Sana makita mo ung tao na babasag ng napakalaking ego mo…Pakasal ka sa ego mo.Kundi mo kayang bitawan yan…lahat mawawala sayo.

And now this part of my life is over…God help me get through this pain.I know you have bigger plans for me ….I know you have your reasons,reasons that i will realize soon,reasons that will make me laugh at this part of my life.

I will be happy.I must be happy.God I need you Please help me.Heal my pain…Remove my anger..Thank you God.

Stupid Boyfriend is Stupid.

mariamouse — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 15:50:18 +0000

You know what.I had enough of you moron.I cant be with someone who is as insensitive as a rock.I dont know if I really mean what I wrote in here.I just want to release this GINALIT mo ko ng sobra.Remember this day and tomorrow you will not hear a word from me ever again!!!I tried to be nice to you.Sabi ng di ko nirereklamo yang trabaho mo e.And this is what you give me,parang napagsasabihan ka lng naman ng mali mo.Lam mo di kita guguluhin seryoso.Mula ngaun mgenjoy k mgisa mo.Im too tired sa pagintindi sau,ako di mo iniintindi.

Found Peace in Silence..

mariamouse — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:11:45 +0000

The day is not yet over.I still have hope that somehow I can still turn this not-so-good day to an extraordinary one.Well right now i’ve decided to just work on my physics worksheet,to be followed by my problem set,then my rdr in chem,then read some notes in chem 123 and study for my exam in anthro10.Does extraordinary means productive?Well it can be,but if I get to talk to my best friend,it would be better.(You know who you are,Im waiting for you to come online,I sent you a “novel” last night.Haha.)

This day feels heavy.I set my blogpost this morning to private.And Guess what I haven’t talked for almost a day yet,maybe I did,5-word sentences,yes no maybe.When life gets hard,the best solution is to remain silent.They say you can hear God better when you keep silent,they say you’ll see how he works out things for you.Well it’s true.Thoughts that came from nowhere entered my head.Thoughts of what I really want to be,what i really want to do and what must I do NOW.”Realize” is a cliche word for me.It doesnt necessarily mean that when you realize something,you can make things right.The only way to make it work is to act it.

What do I want to do with my life right now?I want to take a break.It’s been a rough week.Been to rough situations.I feel suffocated.I feel sick of some people.I even felt sick of myself and what I do with my life.BUT enjoying what I have now is the best thing to do,not letting other people bring me down,not…letting them affect me in every way that they can.That’s hard.Being too futuristic gives you a life of uncertain future.There’s a difference between keeping your eye on your goal and living the future.

I want to be happy.I want to be Me.

I cry but life goes on.

mariamouse — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 20:37:04 +0000

4:23 am.My tears are drying.

You know who you are.To that person who made me cry again on a night that was supposed to be filled with laughs,giggles,and sweet words.It’s a long weekend,it was supposed to be a family-day.But how can I hide the sadness that you caused so that no one in here would see it.

You made me realize something.Im not telling it here.The only thing that I could do is to seek the positivity in whatever you do wrong.Im not blaming you.It was supposed to be both our faults,now you worsen yours .

What I want right now,Is to take a break.I’ve been working hard for academics lately.And after a week full of exams and papers…what a surprise.Our old routine strikes again.We fight,not talk,talk,then fight.You’re not the only one who gets tired.It doesnt mean that just because you’re working you’re more tired whatsoever.

I dont care if you’ll get to read this.Im seeing the possibility that you wont ever open this site ever again.Whenever you dont talk to me,even just for a day,my fear of you vanishing again comes to life.

2011 in review

mariamouse — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 09:48:15 +0000

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,900 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 32 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

mariamouse — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 12:44:07 +0000

Title says it all.In order to write something with sense again I need a good book and fix my perspective on life.My brain is rusting. @_@ Too much oxygen (Yes my mind is made up of iron and it’s a bit moist.So yea there you go.)

When smiling becomes an option.

mariamouse — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 15:46:01 +0000

.A fake smile with true friends.

Im so lost.I want to see myself smile again.Even a fake smile will do.Now I cant do anything.Im in shock.God help me.Please make people realize what they need to see.Please clear my mind with all these worries,these negativities.I cant cry anymore.Im so tired,hopeless,weak.